Okay, so there is no possible way to describe what is happening besides --this Sucks! Kailey has cancer. It's changed her world. It is changing our world. I'm trying to not let it affect me too much, but I'm finding that very difficult.
First of all, you have to understand who Kailey is for us. We "found" each other on Halloween 7 years ago. I was a cow, she was Dr. Kevorkian, jokes were exchanged about her killing me and BAM--she was our babysitter and adopted daughter. She's been over to our house 2-5 times a month ever since--sometimes to babysit, sometimes to hang out, sometimes to take the kids to do something amazing that their parents would never do. We have a gecko named after her. She is somewhere between a daughter, friend, sister and drinking buddy. She's a very strong, independent, BEAUTIFUL young woman who it has been more than our pleasure to watch mature and find her unique place in the world.
And she has cancer. Ovarian. With some spread to her back. And it sucks so much.
She told us and I freaked but then kind of went into denial. It wasn't until she came over for dinner, described everything in her matter-of-fact Kailey way that it was in our face and we couldn't deny it. A week later she moved back to the neighborhood with her dad, which puts her a block away from us. We're walking her dog, having dinner with her, hanging out and helping her how we can. In a way, it is great to get to spend so much time with her. I wish it weren't under these circumstances.
On the one hand, she is so strong and dealing with this so well. It is fascinating to watch this from a 22-year old's perspective. How to handle wearing a mask while dating. Handling 3 guys who are interested in her at the same time. Fitting in college courses inbetween chemo.
On the other hand, it is incredibly hard for anyone and she's had her share of ups and downs already--and it is just beginning. Changing diagnoses for the cancer in her back--the radiation is off, it's on, it's off again. She's had her second lumbar puncture and gotten meningitis from it each time. The chemo affects everything. She has to wear a mask which has prompted INSANE comments. And she's shaving her hair today because it is one way she can take control over losing it over the next few days.
My role--I've been trying to play plenty, but which ones are needed? Friend? Mother-figure? Nurturer? Someone to keep it light? Support only where needed? Food provider? Source of organic fruits and vegetables? Someone to keep her from getting lonely and scared? I want to be all of these? But I don't want to smother her. And I know I can't solve it. And, it doesn't help anyone if I can't focus also on my life--my work, husband, kids, life.
So, to my grounded, pastoral-based friends out there--how do I stay supportive, acknowledge the hugeness of this in our life and help to truly make a difference....but not get totally consumed by it?
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