Social Capital

So, my friend Karin responded to one of my posts and explained the idea of "Social Capital" to me. I haven't been able to stop thinking about it. Consider this...just like we have (or don't have, given what's happening in the financial sector... but that's another post) financial capital, we also have social capital. How many friends we have, connections, liaisons, etc.

I've been thinking about this on a lot of levels.

First, I went to my experience in business. I have found that social capital (now that I know about it) is more important than almost anything in succeeding in business. After working in Corporate America for 11 years and then consulting and seeing employees of Fortune 500 come in and out of my doors each week, I've seen it in play. Of course competence is important. But I've seen some VERY competent professionals who don't know how to gain social capitol. They remain isolated in their offices. They don't engage in social conversations where a lot of real decisions are made. They're not part of the gossip channel where people get heads ups about opportunities. And, I've seen some pretty incompetent people play the politics game really well and succeed. It is, in fact, one of the things that drove me out of Corporate America.

Now, it is sometimes important to have the financial capital to get the social capital. For instance, you have to be part of the country club scene to get access to all the social opportunities of that type of people. But I do know that without the social capital, the financial capital is harder to come by.

I also assume that there are a lot of different types of social capital. The social capital of a business is very different than the social capital of a NFL football team which is different from the social capital of the slums which is very different from the social capital within the Catholic church.

This has also made me think of what other kinds of capital there is. For example, I think there is a "Physical Capital." Those who have looks going for them have more opportunities. There is data that men that are over 6 foot are perceived as having stronger "leadership" skills--even if people don't know anything else about them. Ever since the Kennedy-Nixon debate, it has been known that the physical attributes of presidential candidates can help or hinder them. Attractive people often marry other attractive people and so on. I don't think it is right. I think it is what is inside that should matter. But what should matter isn't always what does matter.

I look at my boys who are both in Middle School. Their world is all about Social Capital. Two years ago it was about who had the rarest Pokemon cards. Now it is about who has gotten up to what level of a certain video game. And, of course, they all know who has what technology, be it the iPhone or video consoles, etc. I saw it last weekend with little girls--they were all comparing who could do the most elaborate gymnastics tricks. The one who could do the back handspring had the social admiration of the others.

What does it all mean? Who knows. Again, my thoughts first go to those who don't have social capital. And why aren't we aware of that and help them more? As my friend Karin said, more people die of social isolation than of smoking. And, if someone really wanted to make a difference, they should find a cure to loneliness. What is sad is that we CAN cure that. We say that no one should live without insurance, but truly no one should should live without human connections.

What? We're Not Immortal?

I got an e-mail yesterday that someone that Lynn and I went to high school with passed away from cancer.  His name was John Cullen.  He was a grade ahead of me.  I remember him as the real hottie in our school.  Someone reminded us today that he was totally crazy about Def Leppard. 

We went to a very small school--the American School in Madrid.  There were only about 40 or so of us in each grade, so we often had classes and hung out with people from all the other grades.  We basically knew everyone at least two grades above and below.  And, because there weren't THAT many Americans over there at the time, we knew each others' families.  I knew John's siblings Mike and Kim.

John was married with two kids.  He was just 42.  

One of the joys of Facebook has been finding all of these high school friends again.  After graduation, we scattered all over the globe and, for the most part, lost track of each other.  But on Facebook we've reconnected.  And we've realized that we share a really tight bond because no one else truly understands the truly unique experiences we had as teenage Americans in Madrid in the 80s.  It shaped us in so many ways that are hard to explain.  

And because when I talk to any of them or think about them, I'm reminded of high school.  And, of course, in high school we were invincible.  So, it is inconceivable that one of us is gone.  

Go with peace, John....

Categories of People

I find that I need to put things into categories. It is my way of creating a modicum of order in my little corner of the world. I realize that I do that with people who I know as well. Overall, I have general love and affinity to most of the people in my world (with a small exception of someone who totally got under my skin last week). But I definitely feel differently about many of them. Let me try to clarify as I classify:

• Family--long-term investment people. Some I talk to or see all the time, others after long periods of times. But there's that understood thing that, after eveyone else is gone, we'll all still be there. No matter what they do (even though we are the first to complain), I'll love them always. Deep, deep bonds. My husband and children, parents, sister, cousins, aunts and uncles, grandparents all fit into that category.
• Acquaintances--those people who I know, and some I even like. But they are people who come in and out of your life without much meaning. They may feel more or less connected to me, but they are the type of people who I realize that--when I see them after a long period of time--that I haven't really thought about them much.
• Working Friends--I am very lucky that there are few people I've worked with that I haven't had good experiences with. But I always keep that "professional" veil on. There are a few who transition to "Friends" and I love that!
• Friends--I am so blessed to have many who fit into this category. These are more than acquantances. These are people who, when I think of them, I smile. I have bonded with these people in very interesting ways. I usually know them on a deeper level and they know me. I know in a pinch, I could call on them. Or, if I were in their town, I could call on them for a dinner out. I always feel like I have more to learn from them and look forward to that! Many in my church community fit into this, but also other categories. There are higher and lower degrees of friends, but the key attribute is that they make me happy thinking about them.
• Soul Friends--I have a few people who fit into these categories. These are people who know me on a very deep level, challenge me, love me deeply and I love them back in return. I'm not whole unless I am able to touch base with them on a regular basis, even if it is in little ways.

About a year ago, I heard a terrifying statistic--that one in four people didn't have anyone they could confide in. To me, that meant having good friends, family or soul friends. I realized how MANY people I had who could fit into that category and I realized how blessed I was. And how sad I was for others. Unlike money, food, clothes or electronics, that is something I can't donate.

Update on The News Cycle Junkie

I'm trying. I'm really trying. My goal was to step away FOR ONE WEEKEND from the news for general ulcer-avoidance.

I went to have a pedicure and the TV was on. I read and tried not to watch it. But when they put me somewhere to dry, I was RIGHT UNDER the TV and it was loud right over my head. I had to check the weather online last night and couldn't help seeing the headlines (I didn't check though). Regular radio is AWFUL. Even my favorite part of Saturday Night Live is the opening skit about politics (and last night was particularly funny). I wasn't going to watch it, but the kids found it this morning! ARGH!

Why is it that so many people can avoid the news like it doesn't exist...but yet they can tell you day-to-day who Britney Spears is dating. For me, even when I want to, I can't get away from it.

The News is Killing Me!!

Okay, so I am a news junkie. I wake up to NPR news. I look forward to long drives where I can hear the full two hours of a NPR broadcast (either Morning Edition OR All Things Considered). In addition, I have XM Radio. On that, I usually listen to one of four stations:

• POTUS08--All election, all the time. 24/7. EXCELLENT coverage. Great commentaries. No arguing. Intelligent. And fascinating.
• CNN--Only when POTUS 08 is presenting a stump speech I've already heard or don't care about.
• America Left--yes, talk radio for the left. The anti-Rush Libaugh. I actually don't like the hate on left radio either, but I can't help it.
• Entertainment Channel--for a little fluff.

But with all that is happening--the false messages, the economy, our debt that just reaches astronomical levels, the greed, the power, the war--I have found myself at the beginning of an ulcer. When I listened to the news this morning, my stomach got upset. And continued all day.

So, I'm cutting myself off from the news this weekend. NO NEWS. It's not as easy as it sounds. My homepage has headlines on it--I can't go there. I have to listen to music in the car (boring). It's kind of like after 9/11 or during hurricanes. Sometimes you just have to step away.

I think that is why I'm blogging. Without my news, what else am I going to do?

Small Ways I Change The World

So, this week I evolved from believed that she wanted to change the world but didn't think she was doing much, to someone who realized that she IS changing the world, but in a bunch of minor ways. I realized that I don't fit the typical "change the world" mold. I don't join organizations, go to fund-raisers, send a lot of money to organizations. I do it much like my life--I do it my own way, mostly run or initated by me, and I only do it in a very personal way. I also don't do it for any one cause--but more scattered across many different ways. So, I started a list of what I do. This may inspire someone else...or maybe not. But I feel pretty good about it.

• I buy eggs only from cage-free chickens (thanks Libby)
• I don't eat chicken (because of a really long story about me bonding with chickens)
• I coach individuals and groups so that they can be more enlighted, intentional and then they can change the world.
• I sang in a choir that sang songs about social justice (musechoir.org)
• Camp Namaste--rather than supporting a camp, we created our own.
• I give money to people who are doing things themselves—much more than to organizations—including Jeannie. And I like to see what is being done (Nepal, etc.)
• I go online to the “Daily Click” sites—where every day they’ll donate a cup of rice, etc. if I click on the site (thehungerspot.com).
• I do all my searches through goodsearch.com instead of Google (which then donates 1 penny per search to the organization of my choice—in this case the choir listed above).
• I have given chickens and pigs through Heifer International to all my relatives and my kids’ teachers for Xmas presents for the last 4 years (I love how it confounds the teachers).
• I'm eating mostly vegetarian because it does more for the environment than switching from a Hummer to a Prius.
• I carry around a fabric bag in my purse and use plastic bags at shops only when necessary.
• I read e-books instead of paper books, saving the trees from the paper and the shipping and disposal waste.

It makes me want to find other small things.

Christine's First Blog

Okay, I am feeling empowered. Although I'm 41, I am going to try to act like I'm in my 20s. I have no idea if anyone wants to read this. But I'm going to do it anyway. What is motiviating me to do this is a combination of feeling empowered, gutsy, impulsive and this tiny voice that thinks that I may have something to say.